N-E MORE

James has a new buzz word - anymore.  Although the way he says it is more like N-E MORE.  I know kids often do this thing where they choose a word and use it to death.
James uses the word often and usually its to exert his own will.  He will not do something anymore, as though he's been doing it for so long that he can't fathom doing it again.
Some examples, you say?
"I not use a spoon ANYMORE." (Side bar: He tested his mother on the spoon thing on the wrong day, choosing instead to eat his blueberry applesauce with his fingers.  "I use fingers, mommy."  That evening he did NOT watch Dora the Explorer OR play with the iPad.  In fact, I told him it was fine with me if he didn't do either ANYMORE.)
"I not go to Rhonda's ANYMORE."
"I not wear a coat ANYMORE."
You see where I'm going with this.  He's a character and he wants to do what he wants to do.  Join the club, kiddo.  While I think I will be happy when this anymore phase ends, maybe I should see what his next word is before making that decision.

Nippy Kippy strikes again

Well Nippy Kippy is at it again, wreaking havoc on the daycare children.  James was the victim of a biting attack yesterday.  Rhonda called me at work to let me know what happened and when I picked James up, she showed me the small bruise on his back.  It actually isn't that bad and Kippy didn't break the skin.  Rhonda also let me know that Kippy's mom had been called and that Kip was disciplined for biting.  I know its a pretty common thing for kids to bite and I know that Rhonda broke up the biting as soon as she could.  She told me that she wouldn't have minded so much if James bit back, but that she broke things up before it got that far.  I was glad that she did, because while I know James would have been defending himself, I still don't want him to think biting is ok.  I read a bunch of articles yesterday about biting, and while they didn't give me any new perspective on the incident, they did reaffirm my thoughts on it.  All we can do when James bites (and he occasionally does test his boundaries) is give a warning and follow up with a timeout.  We also need to make sure James remembers that it hurts when he is bitten and that he doesn't want to make others hurt.  James was actually pretty proud of his booboo, so I don't think he was traumatized too badly.  I think Kippy had a hard time adjusting to James being the "new baby" at daycare and now there is Baby Landon too, making Kip officially one of the "big kids".  He really is a sweet kid and while I would prefer he not snack on my James, I know he's not a bully.

NO!

Here in the Bednarczyk house we have ventured into uncharted territory (and I'm not referring to my father-in-law getting us lost in the wilderness over the weekend).  We have entered the Land of No.  Yes, the dreaded "NO!" phase has begun and less than a week or so into it, I'm feeling a bit spent.  James' response to everything is either no or some derivative of the word.  You can ask him if he wants something that you know he really wants and he will still tell you no.  He'll tell you no and then put his hand out for that very item.  I know that he doesn't really know what he's saying, but dear lord can it been frustrating.  Stop saying no, child, your mother is going to wring your neck.
Sometimes the no response is funny though.  We try to ask questions that have a positive outcome when the answer is no.  Or we just pretend that he's just said yes instead of no.  Or we ignore his response and continue on our way.
I've read lots of "solutions" on how to handle the whole no phase, but some of the advise didn't really apply to our current situation.  We don't say no to James a lot, we try to distract him still or use another word to let him know he shouldn't do something (like telling him to be nice and gentle with the dog or saying something doesn't belong in his mouth).  I keep reading about how to give either/or questions rather than yes/no, but when James says no its not because he doesn't want to do something (take a bath, go to bed, etc.).  Its more that he just likes to say the word no.  Although I'm sure he'll actually not want to do things soon enough.
Either way, we are working on discipline as a team, like everything else.  We take it one day at a time and enjoy the moments when James is agreeable.

Middle names

What is it about middle names that imply some kind of trouble?  Like if your mom busts out your middle name, you know she means business.  I'm not sure if there's some added level of formality that comes along with that fact that you're about to get your ass handed to you, but middle names are quick to roll off the tongue of a mother (or father).
My middle name is Amber and I really don't recall my mom having to use it too often.  I was a fairly obedient child and usually just cried when I got in trouble, so she wasn't big on Chelsea Amber.  Now my grandma, Mary Lou, calls me Chelsea Amber all the time, but that's another type of situation all together.  I can recall my brother getting the ol' Travis James on many occasions though.  Sometimes I still want to pull out a middle name on my brother, but I'm not sure its as effective at 32 years old.
James' middle name is Adrian, named for my dad, Bruce Adrian (named for his grandpa, Maurice Adrian).
James is named for his dad - Adam James, grandpa - John James, great grandpa - James John (I have a whole series of Polish jokes regarding my husband's family - could they seriously not come up with anything other than James or John?  There's also talk of James' great great grandpa named...  ADAM.  Seriously, people...), the aforementioned uncle - Travis James, and great uncle - Ward James.  Depending who we want to placate that day, James might be named after them (including one of my good friends from high school who we refer to as Big James*).
And now here we are, in full on parenting mode, giving timeouts, having stern talking-tos and what is the first thing out of my mouth?
JAMES ADRIAN!



*Funny side story about Big James and differentiating between the two.  Big James is getting his PhD in Biochemistry at the University of Texas, Austin.  Over a year ago, they had a gunman on campus situation and I was quite worried.  I texted and found out that he wasn't yet on campus that day and had stayed home during the lockout.  When I relayed the story to Adam, his response was "Of course James wasn't on campus today, he's only 3 months old."  Sigh.

Nippy Kippy

James' friend at daycare, Kippy (his full name is Kipton, which cracks me up), is in the middle of the terrible twos.  He's 1 year (and 3 days) older than James and he makes me fear for the future.  Although Rhonda tells me that James is the most obedient toddler she's seen and quite different from Kippy a year ago, I know that we too will deal with (more) toddler tantrums.  Yesterday was a landmark day for Kip...  he bit just about everyone in daycare.  He only got James through the shirt, but he has a good bite mark on his left shoulder.  I noticed it during James' bath yesterday and when I talked to Rhonda this morning she told me that James never let on that he'd been bitten.  She felt so awful that James had been bitten, but I know its just a part of daycare and playing with other kids.  Yesterday, James did have a meltdown over a cookie and took a swipe at Rhonda.  He was promptly put in his pack n play to calm down.  After just a few moments James was ready to play again.  I really do think Rhonda is a saint for taking care of these kids all day everyday!

Tantrums

Parenting in actually pretty hilarious.  Kids do funny things, make silly faces, and for the most part, do anything they can to get attention.  But making sure they always get the right kind of positive attention can be difficult, especially when you're at the phase that James has just entered - the temper tantrum.  James' tantrums aren't too bad right now, if he doesn't get what he wants, he pouts and cries and screams.  Occasionally, he gives his loving, kind mother, a slap.  And even that is pretty hilarious, for now at least.  He gets the most determined look on his face, looks right at me, and then strikes.  So what are we doing to combat tantrums?  Right now the answer is pretty simple - we ignore him.  As soon as James realizes that he's not getting any attention, he stops.  This is usually within a matter of seconds, so all of his tantrums are short lived.  That actually makes them even funnier, although we are careful not to let him see us chuckling.  When he starts to hit, I grab his hand (gently) and tell him  in a stern voice to be nice, he's not allowed to hit momma.  He has no idea what I'm talking about, but eventually he will and he'll know that he has to be nice.  Telling him and showing him what nice is will eventually get the point across.  We have been going through his process of showing him what nice and gentle are with the dog and will apply that to people as well.  We also make sure to praise every single nice, gentle, well behaved action he takes.  That way he knows that positive actions garner positive attention.  At some point, when he can actually understand them, we will work time outs in, but I know we are a long way off from that.  Parenting is a work in progress, but I know he is worth all the time and energy we spend and then some.

Incompetent Dad Syndrome (IDS)

This is not a safe parenting method

As I make my foray in the world of parenting and blogging, I find myself struggling to fight a common myth of IDS.  Many people assume that as a father I know nothing about my child, that I would gladly throw him to the “wolves” disregarding all aspects of child safety, ignoring him as he metaphorically took a long walk off a short bridge.  As a child my father subscribed to the parenting philosophy of “benign neglect” (his term not mine), letting me explore my surroundings and providing “just enough” supervision to prevent permanent physical deformation or intense psychological trauma (Chelsea would argue that he was not successful).   Many people of our parents’ generation were subject to the what I would coin the “leave it to Beaver” method of fathering where dads would come home from work expecting dinner on the table, have the occasional pitch and catch session in the yard, and be the disciplinarian when your child would get into the inevitable trouble.

My experience with today’s fathers is more nebulous, some Dads attempt to be Mom 2.0, some subscribe to the “begin neglect” method, and still some are the stereotypical 1950’s father figure. If you have seen me with my child, I am not a helicopter parent, however I am not afraid to get wrist deep in a poopy diaper, snuggle my child when he is tired, or “guide” him away from what seems to be all children’s proclivities to finding situations which can lead to instant death or disfigurement.  I hope that by blogging I will be able to provide a fathers’ prospective on raising James and show my attempts to find a middle ground between Mom 2.0 and “1950’s dad”.

Thanks,

The names I go by are Dad and Adam and I do not have IDS.

Mom says no...

Now that James is 1, we're starting to correct behaviors. We've been doing this for awhile now, actually. Mainly, we like to "redirect" or give him something else to do when he's "exploring" something that he shouldn't be. You know, electrical cords, the cats tail, mugs of hot coffee, everything a toddler shouldn't have. On occasion, we say "no" and he usually listens very well (unless he's throwing stuff off of his highchair, in which case, he listens to no one!). Surprisingly well, since he's still a little guy. But we are trying very vigilantly to not just say no, but correct the behavior and then give him something else to do. This morning, however, I had a parenting fail.
I was adjusting my insulin pump (on a Monday AM, while trying feverishly to get out the door) and James grabbed onto it. He scared the crap out of me, and I yelled "NO!" I was mainly concerned that he was going to rip the thing out and I'd have to start all over, making us late. I was also worried that I was still in the middle of putting it in (which involves a needle and cathiter) and it was going to hurt like hell if he pulled it out. So I yelled. And he put his lower lip out as far as it could possibly go and cried. And cried. And I was still trying to get the pump in, so I was unable to pick him up right away. So he cried and I finished what I was doing. Then I picked the little man up and gave him a hug. I said I was sorry for yelling and scaring him. James got over it and to daycare we went. But really, I have been feeling bad about it all morning. I know he has a short memory and it won't be the last time I yell at my son, I just have to remember to choose my words and actions carefully.