A new era, Day One

Well, here we are, 10 days postpartum   Again, I've been meaning to update about Logan's birth and our time in the hospital, but it has been hectic and to say that I'm still very hormonal is a bit of an understatement.
When we last left off, I was still scheduled for a C-Section on the morning of December 21st.  I had an appointment set for the day before and was told to bring my bag with me.  My OB's logic was that if I had my bag with me, there was no way we'd have a baby.  Kind of like when you bring an umbrella with you just to ensure that it doesn't rain.
But that was not the case, even medicated, my blood pressure was still high.  Also, for the first time, I had more than a trace of protein when my urine was dip-sticked.  A second dipstick did not reveal any protein, so part of me thinks I may have just been dehydrated.  But the decision was made to send me up to Labor and Delivery.  At that point, I just thought more labs were going to be drawn, but when I got up there, the nurse basically told me that I was going to be having the baby that evening at 5 PM, once my breakfast had cleared.
Upon learning that I was having the baby that day, I tried to call Adam, who had gone to work.  Adam was also at work when I was told it was time for James to come, so it was familiar territory. The nurses at the Perinatal Center were shocked that he hadn't come to my appointment, but we had already decided that Adam would go to work that day.  Of course, I couldn't get a hold of my darling husband right away, which made me a little bit upset.  Finally I called my mom to tell her what was going on and in that instant, Adam started to call me.  Isn't that always the way it works?
Eventually, plans were made for James and Adam was at the hospital.  Around 4:30, when I expected to be getting my spinal/epidural, I learned that a woman came in, fully dilated, with her baby breech.  That meant that I was getting pushed back.  My mom and Jackie had just arrived and we were now set to wait a few hours.  And wait we did.
Finally, around 7 PM I was taken back into the OR.  The anesthesiologist had already talked to me about the spinal/epidural I'd be getting and I knew what to expect from having the same procedure with James.  A spinal was put into my back to numb me for surgery and the epidural was put in for pain management afterwards.  I was very nervous about getting the spinal done, but the lidocaine did its job and after a little crunch of my spinal bones, I felt numb very quickly.  The doctor did a great job, because I was fully numb up to my rib cage.  As expected, I as quite claustrophobic once the medicine kicked in.  The feeling of the bright lights and not being able to move can be quite scary and after a few minutes, I just had to close my eyes and go to a happy place!  I calmed down easily and then waited.  I heard them call for the beginning of surgery and a minute later, Adam was in with me.
Surgery was as I had expected, I felt pressure and heard the doctor's talking.  The anesthesiologist had warned Adam not to talk to me about the surgery during the actual procedure, so of course that was what he asked about right away.  It didn't freak me out, but I guess some people get woozy if they think about what's going on.  After a few minutes of chatting about the pulling and pushing I was feeling, we started talking about Chicago Fire (a show I watch) because the doctor scolded us!
Eventually, they pulled the baby out and he screamed right away.
Logan Maverick was born at 7:31 PM.  He screamed and screamed and screamed.  I have never been happier to hear a baby cry, because James screamed for a second and then stopped.  His lungs couldn't handle screaming and he was immediately whisked away to the NICU.  Luckily. the new little guy kept on screaming.  He was cleaned and weighed and Adam took lots of pictures.  The pediatrician brought him over to me and we greeted each other.
A second son.  A second little boy for me to love, guide, and raise.  As overwhelmed has I had been the weeks prior, looking at my little guy made me feel calm and in control, even while lying on an operating table, getting sew back together.  Adam got to sit and hold Logan once he had been swaddled and was nice and warm.
We all went back to the recovery room together and Adam went to tell my mom and Jackie that it would be a few minutes before they could come see us.  Logan and I were checked over and looked after for awhile.  We attempted to breast feed, but when the baby's blood sugar came back very low at 32, he had to have a bottle.  Type one diabetics pass insulin onto their babies, so as soon as they are born, they tend to have low blood sugar.  While I didn't want to give up on breastfeeding immediately, I knew he needed to eat and he sucked down two ounces of formula like a champ.
When the other patient was moved out of the recovery room, Jackie and my mom got to come see the baby for awhile.  Eventually they left and Logan went to the nursery for a check up.  I went back to my room and it was decided my blood pressure was just not coming down enough.  Around 2 AM that morning, it was decided that I was not going to be put on an IV of Magnesium Sulfate.  Magnesium lowers your blood pressure and prevents seizures that can occur with pre-eclampsia and hypertension.  It also makes you feel like you've been hit by a truck, occasionally nauseous, and very sleepy and out of it.  Luckily, I was only put on 12 hours of this awful drug.
And that was Day One of little Logan's life.
More to come...

To VBAC or not to VBAC

When I had James, there was no doubt in my mind to have a C-Section.  I wasn't dilated or effaced and I was facing crazy high blood pressure.  Pre-eclampsia had set in and I knew that I wanted him out of me as quickly as possible, for both of our safety.  My doctor asked if I want to induce and in the blink of an eye, I said no.  I knew that James was already a bigger baby, even at 5 weeks early and I knew that inducing without my body being ready for labor at all was just asking for an emergency C-Section later.  I knew that I'd rather wait for Adam to arrive, have the surgery, and get James out safely.  And honestly, I have never once doubted that decision.  I know a lot of moms feel like they have failed in some way when they end up with a C-Section.  But I never felt that and I never felt for a moment that I didn't have a chance to connect with James.  I didn't see him for more than a second for the first 2 days, but without a doubt, he's always been my little boy.  Adam swears he kept a close eye on him, so you know, hopefully he is my little boy.

Having had one C-Section, I have been left with what is actually a pretty tough decision for baby number two.  I have all the same health concerns going into this birth, but now I have a surgical history.  If you look at statistics for births in the US, C-Sections are on the rise.  There is a lot of talk about VBACs (vaginal birth after caesaran) and how doctors aren't supporting them.  While I agree, there are far too many C-Sections performed, I have to say that my experience has been quite the opposite of all the hub bub made on the internet about doctors being unwilling to perform or try to perform VBACs.

For the record, the Perinatal Center at St. Joe's in Towson, MD is all about the VBAC.  They support them, want them, encourage them and from day one of this pregnancy have made it clear that if I want to try, I should try for a vaginal birth.  Now I figured that I wouldn't have one of these crazy stories where some surgery happy doctor demands that they slice my baby out, but I am really amazed at the support my three high risk OBs have offered.  The director, Dr. Rossiter, is on the Baltimore's Best list and is known nationally, and I can see why.  If every woman felt as supported in a VBAC as I do, then certainly there would have to be more of them.  

So what am I to do?  Well, I am not trying for a VBAC.  That has been my decision from day one and while I'm sure I will always have questions about it in my mind, I know that a repeat C-Section is the right decision for me.  For one, baby number two is already huge.  For two, diabetic labor can be long and complicated and would mostly likely be induced, and honestly, I'd like to avoid all that blood sugar craziness.  Finally, I just don't want to do it.  I know that if I'm not 100% committed to a natural birth, that its just not going to happen and I'd rather be upfront about that.
Update:  I wrote this some time ago and forgot to publish it....  Oops.

Lack of updates!

What a crazy few days it has been.  The end of this pregnancy has certainly been one to remember and while I've been wanting to update the blog (and record for posterity) I have just been so tired.
Last Friday night, I went to bed even though my blood pressure was very high (around 154/100).  I knew when I woke up that it would probably not have gone down and I was right.  At 6 AM Saturday morning, I was up to 160/105 which was within the range that the doctor had given me on Thursday to call them.  So I called the doctor's service and they called me back around 30 minutes later.  We finished packing up my things and got to Labor and Delivery triage around 8:30 AM
Long story short, they decided to admit me.  My blood pressure was high enough that they didn't feel comfortable sending me home.  On the other hand, my urine protein was not high enough to deliver immediately.  So the doctor ordered another 24 hour urine collection, certain that on Sunday evening it would show protein and that we would deliver first thing Monday morning.
If only that had been the case.  There was some protein in my urine, but not enough to meet the standard for pre-eclampsia.  So I went home Sunday evening, with a prescription for blood pressure medication.  I was frustrated and tired, but happy that the baby would have some more time to develop.
Monday morning, I went to my regularly scheduled Biophysical Profile appointment.  The baby looks good, he's wiggling and breathing as he should be.  When we talked to the doctor, she basically said "Let's get this baby out".  We looked at a variety of dates, but ultimately it was decided that this Friday, December 21, we will be having the baby.
I am happy and excited to be done with this pregnancy.  We're very glad to have made it to 37 weeks, which I will be exactly on Friday.  Hopefully we can have a short hospital stay of 4 days and both be on our way home!
Thursday morning I am still scheduled for my regular Non Stress Test, although I have been warned by my doctor's office to have all my things with me, in case they decide not to let me go home.  I'm assuming my blood pressure would have to be very high or protein would have to be spilling for this to happen, but I will pack my bag and head off on Thursday morning.

Oh baby!

I haven't been updating much this week, as I've been home, resting.
On Monday, the doctor decided that my blood pressure was high enough that I shouldn't be working, I should be home.  I quickly agreed!  I completed a 24 hour urine collection, we'll see if there is enough protein in the sample to warrant moving up my scheduled C-Section by two weeks.  I'm pretty sure there will be, as my blood pressures have been high.  Well, I say that, but they've been high everyday at home and not as high at the doctor's office.
I will take any extra days that the baby wants to stay in!  We hit 36 weeks tomorrow and I am very excited that the little guy is taking his time getting here.
Aside from the blood pressure issues, everything has been fine.  My Biophysical Profile Ultrasound on Monday was great.  The change in his diaphragm/breathing in a week was amazing and his movement was strong and easy to locate.  The technicians like it when babies cooperate and actually do their 30 seconds of practice breathing up front.
Today I go in for a Non Stress Test and hopefully that is all.  I am feeling pretty good this morning,  so let's hope that's a good sign!  I'll also get the results of the 24 urine!  Ew.  It was gross...

35 weeks

Here we are at week 35!  The baby is the size of a coconut.  Well, an averaged sized baby is the size of a coconut, but since we're measuring almost 3 weeks ahead, who knows what kind of fruit my kiddo is shaping up be!  Some sort of melon, if I recall correctly.  35 weeks is especially meaningful (and scary) for me because James was born at 35 weeks and 4 days.  That's next Tuesday, for anyone keeping track, so we'll see what happens!
I have started my biweekly biophysical profiles and non stress tests.  Both have been fine, with a healthy, large and responsive baby!  Yesterday I also had a routine OB check up after my NTS.  The routine checks are the ones that worry me the most, I must say, because those are the appointments where I'm weighed.  At this point I'm not worried about gaining weight, but I am worried about water weight.  Yesterday was no exception as I seem to have gained nearly 11 pounds in the last 3 weeks.  Weight gain of this type seems to point to my having this baby sooner rather than later for a number of reasons.  Based on what we saw with James I had a gradual rise in my blood pressure from appointment to appointment, a rather sudden water weight gain, and then wham - protein in my urine/the onset of pre-eclampsia.  We've also seen a slight drop in my insulin need, which is good in one way, but also is a sign that my placenta is "aging" and may not be in use much longer (a "thriving" diabetic placenta demands lots of insulin).
So that's where we are.  We've seen my blood pressure going up ever so slightly, now the weight gain, and all of a sudden I'm on the look out for a baby.  Yesterday the doctor estimated that within the next 2 weeks the little guy will be here.  That, of course, is no guarantee, just her estimate.  If I can prolong this pregnancy, I will do so by any means, but at this point, if I have pre-eclampsia, he's coming out.  I hope that we can make it one more week.  This is a random time frame, but James was on the border line for needing oxygen during his NICU stay.  A few extra days might just help develop the baby's lungs a little better.  Then again, some babies, particularly boys, are born at 37 or 38 weeks and have breathing problems, so again, the longer we can prolong my pregnancy the better.
Last night, after all this information had set in, I was pretty upset.  I was worried and the thought of having the baby so early really scared me.  Also, news flash - we're having a SECOND baby.  TWO little lives to manage and take care of.  I know, for the person who's been tracking every week of this pregnancy, you'd think the information would have set in.  But all of a sudden everything was very real last night.  More than anything, I want to do a good job.  I care so much about James and the new guy already, that the thought of messing anything up or not doing the best for them really upsets me.  Adam has told me repeatedly, even before James, that the very fact that I care so much is more than enough for any child.  But what can I say - I'm a bit of a spaz!  And so ended the freak out.  I've processed everything and have my game face back on.
We are very prepared for the little guy to come, in all the ways that we weren't for James.  His clothes are washed and in drawers, we have diapers, wipes, bottles, and formula.  With James the day after I was released from the hospital/the day before James came home, Adam and I went to Target to pick up all those things!  So we are at least better off than we were 2 and a half years ago.  I have to keep reminding myself that even though you're exhausted, taking care of little babies is pretty easy - diaper, feed, burp, repeat in 2 to 3 hours.

Me Too!

We love to read to James.  He gets 3 or 4 stories every night before bed, to help settle him down and to let him know its time for SLEEP.  Some people suggest a bath during the bedtime routine, but James' skin gets so dry in the winter that a bath every night is a terrible idea.  Because I've always loved to read, I love story time, almost as much as I love bed time!
One of our favorite authors in Mercer Mayer, who writes the Little Critter books.  I loved Little Critter as a kid and I definitely do now.  We try to read stories that might tie into our lives a bit, lately those have been books about sharing, siblings, and GOING TO BED.  Me Too is about Little Critter and his little sister, who wants to do everything that he wants to do.  Little Critter has to be patient, share, and help his little sister and in the end she shares with him too.  Its a good story for someone who is getting a sibling soon.  We also have The New Baby and Just Me and My Little Brother.
The funny thing is that since we started reading this book, James wants to do everything "too".  No matter what Adam or I are doing, James will tell us that he wants to do it too.  The really funny part of this is the way James says "too" as though he's really amazed that he just so happens to be doing the same thing mom or dad.  But sometimes it doesn't work out for him.  On Sunday, Adam went to the football game and James was none to pleased about it.  He wanted to hang out with dad (Can you blame him? Mom is large and moody and probably laid around the house most of the day).  He repeatedly asked "Where is daddy?" and I told him "Daddy is at the football game, he'll be home later."  To which James responded "Me go to football game too!"
If you're eating dinner, James will let you know that he's eating dinner too.  If you're walking upstairs, James is going too.  And if mom is complaining about her back hurting, James' back is hurting too.  He's a very sympathetic little guy.

Toddler Logic

Toddler's have a special kind of logic.  This morning's special thought from my little guy was to give his mother a huge hug.  A bigger hug than I've gotten any morning this week.  Of course, this morning was the only one this week where my toddler peed through a diaper, undershirt, and pair of fleece pajamas.  Fleece holds liquid well, so I didn't notice my wet shirt and bra until I'd handed James to Adam.  In addition to changing James' clothes (and giving him a baby wipe bath), my clothes, and Adam's clothes, I also got to change the sheets and blankets on James' bed.
Love that toddler logic!

34 weeks

34 weeks today!  The baby is the size of a butternut squash.  Here are some fun facts about baby at week 34:
He's recognizing and reacting to simple songs, if you're singing them.  (If you're not, start!  He may find them soothing after birth.)
He's also urinating about a pint a day.
Well, at least we're both peeing a ton.  Haha.  I actually feel a lot more comfortable at this point than I did with James.  Something about not being bloated like Jabba the Hut is always nice.  I haven't been sleeping great, but am still managing.  My big problem right now is that I tend to flip onto my back, which is both uncomfortable and causes me to snore.  I've been snoring so loudly that I tend to wake myself up.  Adam deals with my snoring well, as I do it regardless of whether I'm pregnant or not, but I still feel bad.  
This week was supposed to mark the last of my once weekly OB appointments, but just for the fun of it, I decided that I should go in a second time.  Okay, that's not really what happened, but it sounds better than what really happened.  Wednesday, I went into the doctor and had a routine check up, plus a Biophysical Profile.  That is basically an ultrasound where they count movement of the baby and make sure he's practicing his breathing skills.  Babies obviously don't need to breath while inside mom, but they should be practicing the movement a lot.  Well, the little guy took awhile to show off, but eventually he passed his test.  They took my blood pressure and did a urine protein, both of which were normal.

Chelsea the Hut

I left the doctor's office and went to run errands at the pharmacy and grocery store, then went home.  Well about 30 minutes after I was home, I started to feel a bit off.  My vision started to blur while I was reading (The Racketeer by John Grisham, he's my favorite!) and I just wasn't feeling well.  Blurred vision is pretty common when my blood sugar is low, so I tested it.  My sugar was normal, but I ate some crackers, just in case.  I also checked my blood pressure, which had gone up a bit since my appointment.  I wouldn't say that it was high, but it was higher and I had a bit of a headache.  Then, as I was sitting, waiting things out, I was watching Ellen and having this really weird disconnect with the words on the screen.  I could read them in my head, but was having trouble vocalizing things.  But all of these wacky symptoms stopped within about 20 minutes, my sugar and pressure were both normal and the rest of the evening was fine.
But of course, I told Adam about the incident and he had me call the doctor's office yesterday morning.  They had me come in to recheck my protein and my blood pressure.  I got a clean bill of health and was told to make sure I come in if I have any other neurological symptoms (not a problem, Doctor).
Next week will start my Monday and Thursday appointments for non stress testing, biophysical profiles, and routine OB visits.  Its going to be a crazy few weeks, but after that, the little boy will be here!  Also next Wednesday, James starts back to regular daycare at Rhonda's.  I'm so excited to get back to our usual routine and am really hoping that another change isn't too rough on James.  Going to a new daycare has been very scary for him (and his parents) but I think overall it showed that he is a tough guy who can deal with change.  I am hoping to have a few "normal" weeks with Rhonda before we completely change everything with a new sibling!

33 weeks

Week 33!  The baby is the size of a durian!  The bad news is that I have no idea what the heck a durian is!  I will have to google it...  And I have to apologize for my late post.  I spent the first part of the day yesterday cleaning and putting up Christmas decorations and the second part writhing in pain from severely overdoing it!  But aside from the Christmas tree ornaments, the decorations are up.  One quarter of our pre-lit tree isn't lighting all the time, but I am going to live with it for now.
I suppose that I also didn't update about my last doctor's appointment either, so I should do that before I get too behind.  After this coming week, I'll be at the doctor's office twice a week.  This is still better than my first pregnancy, when I had a regular OB and a high risk OB and had 3 appointments a week towards the end.  Although, James came early, so I got out of most of those appointments.
Anywho, the non stress test was a bit stressful, for mom at least.  We were late for the appointment due to traffic.  I made the appointment before I realized that Rhonda would be off, so 8 AM was reasonable.  Rhonda has early drop off, so James could have gone at 7 AM and we would have made it to Towson (about 30 minutes in traffic) with no problem.  But drop off for the new daycare is at 7:30 AM, so I knew we'd be rushing.  Add in traffic and we were late.  I am my mother's child, being late causes me great stress!  But that's not really what this test is looking for.  Its just fetal monitoring.  They hooked us up to a heart monitor and a baby movement monitor (I should find out the technical term for that one...) and handed over the TV remote.  Adam was with me, so we just hung out and waited.  The baby was responsive, after about 45 minutes or so.  James was never responsive during these tests, so to get any movement at all was nice.
After the NST, we had to go back into the waiting room.  I should add that the Perinatal Center was absolute chaos by this time.  The phones were ringing off the hook and people were everywhere.  We waited about 30 minutes to go back for our growth ultrasound.  At that point, I was definitely getting hungry, as I didn't eat lunch and wanting to get things rolling.  So we had a look at the little guy.  He's weighing in at 5 pounds 6 ounces, give or take a pound, which means he's huge.  We already had a feeling that he'd be huge, since that's our experience, but I had no idea he'd be that big!  After the ultrasound I still had to be seen for my routine OB check up.
The doctor surprised me a little bit, she handed me a slip of paper that said "January 7, 2013 - 10 AM, arrive at 7:30 AM".  Yes, my C-Section has been scheduled.  Which actually means next to nothing, aside from being the last possible date that the baby will come.  When we asked more questions, we learned that if the baby comes prior to that date for any reason (going into labor, crazy uncontrolled blood sugars, high blood pressure) it will be a "game day" decision.  So nothing has really changed, but it was a bit odd to have a scheduled date for the little guy to come.  The doctor even said we could mark it on our calendars if we wanted to test God...  so I did.  Ha!
Other than that, my appointment was okay.  We can see my insulin need going up everyday day or so, so all my hourly insulin rates went up a big.  My insulin need this pregnancy has not been that high, so I'm not surprised to see it going up now.
At the end of our appointment, we scheduled all of my NSTs, ultrasounds, and routine OB visits through our scheduled C-section date.  With my luck, I will have made all the appointments, but won't need them, but I figured it was better to be on the safe side.  To really tempt fate, my NST on Christmas Eve will be in Labor and Delivery, since the doctor's office is closed.  So after this coming week, every Monday and Thursday morning I will be at St. Joseph's.  I need to type up that schedule and give it to my bosses and my mom, so everyone knows where I am.  Luckily, Adam works from home on Mondays, so if I need him, he'll be close.  And now that I've talked your ear (eyes?) off, I am going to finish my online Christmas shopping!

For comparison

15, 22, 27, and 32 weeks pregnant

32 weeks

Here we are at 32 weeks!  The baby is the size of a squash.  A squash that is sitting squarely on my rib cage, making it difficult to breath, sleep, and maintain a non-grumpy attitude on life.
Yes, I have a case of the grumps this morning.  And it appeared that I wasn't the only one, as James started crying about going to daycare 30 minutes before we had to leave.  I comforted him and we talked about all the fun things he was going to do, then I asked if he could be my brave boy. He said yes through a sniffle.  Then, I kid you not, he started bawling all over again.  Toddlers cannot be reasoned with.  So I just hugged him and tried to have him help me get ready to leave.  He uttered some classic phrases like "No making lunch, mom" and "No working, mommy".  Luckily by the time I was down the stairs after drop off, he wasn't crying, but man can he lay it on thick.
At least it is Friday, we have 2 whole days at home to prep ourselves for next week!  I just have to get through the day without stabbing one of my coworkers, which has proven to be a challenge lately.  I know I shouldn't complain, but sometimes its inevitable!
There is not much going on, pregnancy wise.  The baby kicks up a storm and has not dropped one bit!  I have my first non stress test next Tuesday, as well as a growth ultrasound.  Adam took off work to come with me, so that is nice!  I will update after the appointment!

The New Daycare

After a week of James being home with mom and dad, we knew it was time to get him back into a daycare routine.  While he was still well behaved, his desire to play with the iPad and watch television was growing by the day.  Little things like increased temper tantrums and not wanting to nap were starting to wear on all of us.  Overall, James needs a routine and schedule.  We were doing our best to stick to that routine and to keep his mind stimulated, but mom and dad can't really compare to 5 other kids to play with.
So Monday morning, I called our first choice for daycare and went to fill out James' paperwork.  This daycare provider takes children starting around 15 months and does a preschool program with them.  She has a degree in Early Childhood Education and Psychology, on top of being a licensed provider for 20 years.  We feel solid in this choice, even if she can't take the baby.  We decided to hope that Rhonda will still be taking the baby when my maternity leave is up (more on that soon).
On Tuesday morning, Adam and I both took James to his first day.  Adam worked from home and I went into the office, so I was glad to have some back up.  James didn't really do much when we left, but according to the report I got, he had a rough morning.  He spent an hour or so crying, which lead up to his complete meltdown.  Apparently he was screaming "I want my mom" for a bit.  But after awhile of sitting in Miss Linda's lap, he hopped down, started to play with the other kids, ate lunch, napped, and had a great afternoon.  Wednesday, James cried when I left him, but only took a few minutes to get over my absence.  This morning was the hardest on me, he started to cry before we'd even gotten to the house for drop off.  I gave him a quick hug and made my exit, but even as I was leaving, I could tell he was crying less and less.
This is one of the times when being a parent is the toughest.  I know he needs to go to daycare.  I know I need to work and he needs to play with other kids.  But my first instinct is to grab my little guy and bolt for the door.  I've done pretty good, I haven't shed any tears yet, but hearing him cry for me just pulls at all my heart strings.  Mission accomplished, kiddo - you know how to manipulate your mother.
So for the time being, James will go to his new daycare.  I checked with Rhonda's neighbor today and she has been home resting since Monday.  She is tired, but doing well from what I hear.  They are estimating that next week they will be in touch with us parents about what is going on, so I am hopeful for good news.  We do have 14 more weeks or so until the new baby will need care and I certainly hope that is long enough for Rhonda to recover.
I should also mention that the last two nights with James have been pretty uneventful.  He's back to being his polite, upbeat self,  has eaten a good dinner, told us about his day, and gone through our usual bedtime routine without fuss.  Its a far cry from the moody little guy we were facing toward the end of last week.  I can't say that he slept the greatest last night, but I think that's just coincidental, he is still only 2 years old and is bound to have a rough night here and there!

Living with the fear

With all of the craziness and uncertainty of the last week, I have been doing a lot of thinking.  I am in my own head a lot, which I think has always been one of my strengths and weaknesses.  Sometimes, I should really get out of my own head, stop over thinking and start doing.  Sometimes, being able to reflect on recent events and happenings is a good thing.  Self reflection, especially as a parent, should lead us to the best possible decisions for our children.
I was figuratively smacked in the face this week with the reality that our lives are short.  Time is fleeting and we have no control over the world most of the time.  Rhonda had a seizure Saturday morning due to her brain aneurysm   Only hours prior, she would have been home, with 5 small children.  While I know that anything can happen at any time, I was so scared by this.  Most of the time, I can live with the facts and I can manage my fears.  I can deal with the unknowns in life for myself and my family.  But when hit with something like this, so square in the face, managing the unknown becomes more difficult.  What ifs come creeping in and its hard to get them out of your head.
But what can I do?  Life is what it is and we can only do so much.  We truly have to enjoy the little moments, hug our kids more, and be present in the second to second, daily things that make our lives special.  Its sounds corny and maybe a bit over simplified, but all I can do as a mom is love James and the baby and try to embrace every second I have with them.
This hectic week will pass and one of these days, we'll have some normalcy back.  And while that is a good, good thing, its important to not forget the lessons we pick up during the trying times.

31 weeks

This week we are back to fruit!  The baby is the size of a pineapple.  He is rapidly taking over the space once filled by my lungs and I can wait until he drops, just a tiny bit, so I can breath more easily.
Breathing more easily takes on many forms this week, now that I think about it.  Every time I think our lives may settle down, even a bit, we are thrown a curve ball, but that is just life, I suppose.  This Sunday we received a horrible phone call that our daycare provider had an aneurysm and was in emergency brain surgery.  Those were all the details that we received at the time and honestly it sent us into a tailspin kind of week.  After we got the phone call from Rhonda's neighbor, Carla, we also had Carla's daughter (who is our age) Megan stop by our house.  Luckily, Megan is a nurse and could give a few more details.  As of yesterday, Rhonda had thankfully made it through surgery, has been up, talking and walking, is eating solid foods, and has moved out of the ICU.  She may even be home in the next day or two.  We are still waiting to hear more details about her recovery time and the possibility that she will be resuming daycare.
So this week Adam and I have taken turns staying home with James.  We had many generous offers from friends and family to stay with James, but this week it has been easier to just switch off between the two of us.  Next week we are able to do the same (November is a great month for government workers to stay home, we have a ton of holidays!) and the week after I already had off the entire week for Thanksgiving and Rhonda's preplanned vacation.  Needless to say, I don't think she'll be going to Florida, but I'm sure that's the last thing on her family's mind!
On top of trying to figure out who is staying home with James and when, we've visited 4 daycare providers and will visit 2 more today.  This is the biggest stress I could imagine at 31 weeks pregnant and trying to keep myself from totally freaking out has been difficult.  Three of the providers we've seen can take James and the baby and 3 of them can take only James.  Once we know more about Rhonda's situation, we'll be able to decide which is the best option.  Obviously, if Rhonda can't take the baby in 14 weeks or so, then we want to make as few changes as possible for James, so he'll start with the provider that will also take his baby brother when that time comes.  I feel strange, leaving my boys in the care of a total stranger, but Adam pointed out to me that Rhonda was once a complete stranger also.
It's hard not to sound selfish during this time.  I want Rhonda to get better overall, not just so she can babysit my kids.  If she can babysit my kids, its just a bonus, but those lines get easily blurred.  This week has just been really hard.
Tuesday, James and I went to the OB for my 30 week checkup!  I've gained a little bit of weight, but my ankles and feet are quite swollen, leading me to believe that its just water weight.  My blood pressure was fine (amazing considering this week's stress!), my blood sugar is well controlled and everything with baby is just fine.  At 32 weeks, I'll have another growth ultrasound and start non stress testing (NST).  I can't believe I am so close to being done with this chapter of my life, but I am looking forward to never being pregnant again!  If all goes well for that visit, I won't need to do a second NST the day after Thanksgiving.  Weekly visits are eminent and I know before we have time to blink, we'll have a second little boy.

30 weeks

Today marks 30 weeks!  The baby is the size of a cucumber.  That size comparison seems a bit off, but I guess its more of the length than the actually size?  Who knows, these food comparisons are getting weirder every week.  I guess for me that's because the baby is kicking me so much!  Food shouldn't move like that!
This week has been a bit crazy, which is why I haven't blogged.  I had a ton of stuff to write about, but no time or energy.  So here we are for the weekly update!  Hurricane Sandy came through Maryland late Monday night.  We were off work on Monday (which made no sense, because nothing happened) and Tuesday, so James stayed home with mom and dad.  It was fun to spend some time with him when he'd normally be in daycare, but by Wednesday I was really wanting our regular schedule back.  James can get a bit whiny, as toddlers are want to do, and I knew he was really needing his routine back.  The second Adam walked out the door for work on Wednesday, my usual chipper boy was back.  Wednesday was a nice day to get back into the swing of things, because I went to work and picked some things up and then went back home for my telework day!  But all in all, we made it through the Hurricane with no power loss and no damage to the house.
This weekend is going to be a fun one (I hope!).  We have family photos scheduled with an actual photographer (not just Sears or the Picture People) and I am really hoping they go well.  James has had two meltdowns the last 2 times we've gone to get his picture taken, so I'm hoping he can warm up to the photographer and we can get some cute shots.  Also included in our "family" for the day are James' godparents, Jackie and Rob.  I figured at the very least, they could help James smile for group shots and while we were at it, they should get some pictures too!  The sitting fee is for up to 5 people, so darn it, I'm bringing 5 people!  I know that might seem silly, but Jackie and Rob really are like family, so I'm excited to have some pictures of all of us and of James and his "aunt" and "uncle".  Adam keeps mentioning some kind of wife swap, so this will be his chance!  The photographer we're using is Stephanie Raynor, so feel free to check out her website:  http://www.raynorphotography.com/

29 weeks

This week, baby is the size of an acorn squash!  James loves squash, so when I saw this picture, I immediately thought of my boy!  The little brother is weighing in right on target at 3 pounds and 2 ounces, per our growth ultrasound this week.  This week was a busy one, so time really flew by!  Not much going on with the pregnancy, other than the highlights I posted from our check up on Wednesday.
This weekend we are spending some time when my mom and step dad, eating delicious enchiladas.  We will also be spending some time getting things ready for the baby to come.  This includes a big trip to Target, Sam's Club for diapers and formula, and turning the crib back into a crib!  We also need to move the rest of James' clothes and get a ton of things out of the attic!
A coworker of mine insisted that we're doing all of this too soon, but I know how impatient my kids are, so I would rather get it out of the way.  I also think she may have been hinting at a baby shower, but really, even if we're lucky enough to have one, I would rather be overly prepared than wait!
In reference to the formula we are buying at Sam's - we are hoping that the baby will nurse and that breast milk will be his main source of nourishment, but are planning on supplementing with formula also.  Even though I may be pumping while Adam feeds him with a bottle, we want to use both.  Supply was never an issue with James, but we only nursed/pumped for 3 weeks, so who knows what will come.  Since the baby will start daycare around 8 weeks old, he needs to be able to take a bottle regardless of what's in it.
Overall, I am just glad its Friday.  Sleep hasn't been coming very easily and I could certainly use the break from the office!

28 week check up

Here are the highlights from today's growth ultrasound and regular OB check up.

Baby is:
around 3 pounds, 2 ounces.
head down.
in enough amniotic fluid.
growing like crazy!
cute as a button, he looks just like his brother in the 3D pictures!
healthy and doing well.

Mom is:
only up 2 pounds in the last 6 weeks (feel free to call me a superstar, cause I so am...).
taking more and more insulin.
still reporting good blood sugar levels.
not gaining any water weight yet, blood pressure is good!
going back for another regular check up in 2 weeks.
starting non-stress tests in 4 weeks.
having a repeat growth ultrasound also in 4 weeks.

After the start of non-stress tests, we'll continue to assess when baby will come out.  The earliest would be 37 weeks, or December 21st unless other problems arise!

Ouch!

This morning was a pretty typical morning for James and I.  He slept a bit later than he has been (6:30 AM seemed really late!) and we got dressed and ready for the day.  I realized that I needed to change my insulin pump set, so I got all my supplies ready.  James noticed what I was doing and stood by to "help" which really means he wanted to watch.  So I got everything all ready to go and then put the set in (the set portion of the tubing is the part that goes in my stomach, the catheter, really).  When I put it in, James said, "Ouch!  That hurt!"  He's so funny.  I've never told him it hurts, he just came to his own conclusion.  A few minutes later, I stabbed my finger to check my blood sugar, and James again yelled "Ouch!  That hurt too!"  He's so funny.  Sometimes he pretends to put his finger on the test strip too.  I'm amazed at how well he handles everything, I always explain what I'm doing and that it doesn't hurt Mom.  Now he's more curious than anything and wants to watch.  He can be helpful too, if I ask him to go get my medicine, he'll fetch my glucometer for me.  This morning, when I got my number - 115, I told him the machine said that Mom did a good job.  He laughed at me and we continued on our day!

The Big Boy Room

Last night, James slept in his twin bed in his big boy room.  He didn't make a big deal when Adam put him to bed.  He went down at 7:15 for about 10 hours.  He's been waking up so early lately, I am hopeful that he gets back to his 7 AM wake ups some day.  That might be wishful thinking, as he's been on this schedule for a couple of weeks now.  Either way, I'm proud of James for being such an adaptable big boy!  He didn't even fall out of the bed or come wake us up in the middle of the night!  In fact, he cries for us to come get him out of his bed, even though he could do it on his own, which is kind of silly.  But I will take that over middle of the night visits.
So it looks like James will be sleeping in there from now on.  Adam put some of his work clothes in the nursery closet for now, but I'm going to make some space for him in mine.  I'm not using my closet right now anyway because all of my maternity clothes are in a tub by one of the dressers.  Its very classy.  I think I'm going to put some of my very littlest clothes in storage and that should free up some space.  One day, maybe I'll even fit into them again.  That might be more wishful thinking.
Moving the rest of James' things into the big boy room will check off a bunch of items on my "Stuff to do before the baby comes" list.  Luckily, that's not a lot, since he doesn't spend a lot of time in there, just his toy box and the rest of his clothes from the closet.  We do need to move a chest out of the big boy room.  It came from Adam's grandmother (against my wishes!) and is VERY heavy. It would probably kill any child that got stuck in it.  That's not even an exaggeration.  Adam can't move it on his own and I am unable to help at this point.  If we ask his dad for help, I am sure we will just get a guilt trip for not keeping the damn thing, so we'll see who we can sucker into helping move it.

28 weeks

Hello, third trimester!  Here we are, in the last 3 months of my pregnancy!  I am looking forward to the end, but hopeful that the little guy will stay put until 37 weeks!
At this point, we've reached viability, but again, the longer the baby stays put, the better.  I have been working on my list of reasons I never want to be pregnant again and this week has given me a few things to add!  Although, I suppose none of those things are really pregnancy related.  I haven't seen sleeping the best, which has made me quite moody, particularly at work.  I feel bad about the moodiness, but at the same time, I wish people would just leave me alone and stop asking me such dumb questions (I know!  I sound awful, but its true!).  Last night I was telling Adam about some of the newest office happenings and he reminded me that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.  He might have a point there, so maybe I should try to be nicer.
Things are rolling along otherwise, we still haven't put James in his big boy room.  We're dragging our feet a little bit, but I think that's more logistical than anything else.  Adam's closet is in that room, so he needs to get his things out so he can get dressed for work in the morning without waking James.  Although James has been waking up at the crack of dawn, so I'm not sure that's even an issue right now.  Hopefully he will go back to his old schedule and we'll need to have Adam get dressed in our room.  I'm thinking a rolling clothing rack might do the trick, we have space for one.  Sooner rather than later we need the big brother in his room and the baby in the crib!

"I'm a Grandma"

We had a great time this weekend at the pumpkin patch.  We went to Weber's Farm, which is only 10 or so minutes from my parents, and I think James thoroughly enjoyed himself.  It was pretty insanely crowded, but we really tried to over look the lines for everything and have fun with James.  That can be difficult, because even not pregnant, I am not a patient person.  But we looked at animals, went on the slide, and ate lots of snacks.  The sheer amount of people also lead to James wanting to be carried more, a task which fell largely on Adam, since the boy is a bit heavy for me to be packing around at 7 months pregnant.  The line for the hayride never quite subsided, so we passed on that attraction (James also told Adam repeatedly that the tractor was going to get him, so I'm not sure what that was all about.)  All that aside, we came home with lots of goodies: gourds (James decided pumpkins were too big), apples, apple cider donuts, and a couple of pies that I could have really done without.  Things seemed to be calming down a bit as we were leaving around 4 PM, so perhaps that is a better time of day to go.  In a perfect world, we could take off work on a weekday and go then, but that is probably not in the cards for next year.
Something a bit odd happened while James, Adam and I were looking through the pumpkin bins though.  It was a nice fall day, but James and I have both had a tiny bit of a runny nose.  I had a bunch of tissues (I initially forgot them, but stole a box to take with us from my mom) in my pocket.  James was digging through the bin, so I couldn't see his face.  Out of nowhere, an older woman (definitely older than my mom, but not ancient by any means) hands me a napkin and says "Here, I'm a Grandma".  I took the napkin, but gave her a puzzled looked.  She proceeded to tell me that I needed to wipe my child's nose.  When I looked at James, yes he did have a little snot coming out, but it wasn't anything crazy.  So I said thank you (At least I think I did, at that point, Adam and I were kind of looking at each other like, "Huh?")  I couldn't even get out the fact that I had a ton of tissues with me, just couldn't see his face, etc. before she launched into her 4 grandkids and all but showed me their latest report cards.  I know she was trying to be helpful, but I was a little taken aback.  I just can't imagine my own mom, who is also a grandma (duh, Chelsea), handing tissues to someone she didn't even know.  I mean, I'm sure if someone asked, she would be more than happy to help out in a pinch.  Maybe that's because my mom actually understands normal (well, fairly normal...) social interactions.
I guess the whole "I'm a Grandma" explanation annoyed me a bit too.  Like, does this lady know she's a lot of other things besides a grandma?  Maybe she's not, maybe she's a Grandma spyborg sent to Baltimore, MD from outerspace.  Overall, not the worst thing that could happen, but I thought it was an overstep.

Questions

As a second time mom and as someone using a new OB, I have a ton of questions swirling around my head. Some of them come from my birth experience with James and some of them come from having a new doctor perform this surgery.  With James, I had a regular OB, Dr. Aziz and the high risk OB, Dr. Cootauco.  I went to my regular check ups with Aziz and then would walk over to the main hospital for high risk stuff (mainly non stress tests and biophysical profiles).  I think this go around is easier, making one appointment instead of trying to coordinate two visits back to back.  Dr. Aziz delivered James and took care of my pre-eclampsia issues and the high risk doctors managed my diabetes in the hospital.
Some of my questions are:
Who will circumcise the baby?  Dr. Aziz did James', but I am not sure the high risk doctor's perform this surgery.  And yes, we circumcise, and no, I don't really want to chat about it.  (Sorry, too much judgement and criticism on that topic for me to handle!!  I really just let Adam decide, because I am not equipped.)
Can I watch the c-section?  I didn't even think to ask if I could watch James being born.  They put my spinal and epidural in (spinal for the surgery and epidural for pain management afterwards) and then put up the curtain.  I am sure they don't typically want moms to watch themselves being cut open, so we could even skip that part.  But I saw James for all of 30 seconds before they whisked him away and that really was difficult for me.  Adam took a million pictures of his first 2 days, but I still hate that I missed them because I was ill.  If I could even just watch them take him out and get a few more minutes, I would be happy.  All of that supposes that this baby will be early and have complications, which may not be the case.
When will we schedule the c-section?  The answer to this question will come with time and more monitoring of the baby.  But I am incredibly impatient and want to know now!  (In my head I sound like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka "Daddy, I want a golden ticket!")
What will the day of the surgery entail?  When will we have to check in, how long will things take, who should we have waiting with us?  I am a planner.  It is a blessing and a curse.  I just hope that the surgery takes place on a day when James can go to Rhonda's.  His whole world is going to be rocked and I just hope we can maintain some kind of routine.
I'm sure I have a million more questions to ask before the baby comes, and if I keep writing them down, I might actually remember them all!

27 weeks

The baby is the size of a rutabaga this week.  I've never really encountered a rutabaga, I think its a root vegetable?  Not so sure, but that's what in the womb this week.  I've noticed that the last few weeks have listed the same general sizes for the baby, but we go on the 24th for another growth ultrasound.  At that point, I will know more about exactly how large (and knowing me, he's a big boy!) Baby Bednarczyk #2 is.  Also on the 24th is the official start of my going to the OB at least every 2 weeks.  I will be getting blood work that day, but I do get one small perk of already being a diabetic - I get to skip the gestational diabetes testing!  I've heard how awful it is from several moms, so I will take the little (tiny, minuscule  minute) bonus wherever I can.
This weekend we are taking James to the pumpkin patch with my mom, step dad, and step grandma (oh divorce, how you complicate familial titles).  We are going to a new place, since we just went to the petting zoo at our usual patch a few months ago.  The new place also has a bake shop and I am looking forward to getting an apple, caramel, and walnut pie!  Yum!  James has been reading his Little Critter The Fall Festival book over and over (and over, since I read it to him 3 times this morning alone...), so I know he will be excited to go on a real hayride.

I was cryin'

(queue the Aerosmith song?)
That's not actually what I'm referencing.  "I was cryin'" is James' newest "catch phrase".  Over the last few days, he's been saying it repeatedly.  The second anyone walks in a room, he will tell them that he was crying.  Whether those tears came 15 minutes before or 12 hours before, he lets you know that he was crying.
Sigh.  This makes it sound like my kid cries all day, everyday.  He really doesn't.  Yesterday, he had a tantrum about not wanting to get dressed.  But I got him dressed, we went downstairs, he got over it in a matter of seconds.  An hour later, we went to Rhonda's and the first thing he tells her is "I was cryin'".  When Adam picked him up yesterday evening, it was the first thing James said.  Rhonda stepped in and told Adam that James had not cried or had a single tantrum all day.
But he was cryin'.
Apparently, one of the older girls at daycare (Lilly, who is almost 4) will tell you that she is going to cry if she doesn't get her way.  All the boys promptly ignore her (she's the only girl during the day, surrounded by little boys aged 1, 2, 3, and 4!).
Aside:  Have I mentioned that Rhonda needs to be canonized as Saint Rhonda, patron saint of running noses and bad attitudes?
Regardless, I'm not sure if this is where James picked up the wording or not.
I've been trying to get some feeling words out of James, asking him why he was crying.  Was he upset or frustrated or sad?  He seems to understand that you cry when you're upset.  The handful of times I've cried lately (thank you, hormones), I've tried to explain that mom was upset or frustrated.  He also seems to get that his tantrums are pretty silly and typically ignored completely.  They are fewer and further between, but he is a stubborn little boy when he wants to be.
I'm really not sure where this catch phrase is leading us, sometimes he picks something up for a few days and its over as quickly as it began.  Other times, they stick around for awhile.  I know this isn't the worst thing he could be saying right now, but I hate to think about my little guy crying, even if its not nearly as often as he is saying it.
For your viewing please, Aerosmith's Cryin' video, featuring young Liv Tyler and Alicia Silverstone.  Classic.

26 weeks

Another week has flown by and the baby is now the size of a head of lettuce.  Last week was cauliflower, so I guess the bigger baby gets, the more like a vegetable he becomes!  I meant to update the blog more this week, James has been doing lots of entertaining things, but I have been really exhausted most days.  While I am still sleeping well, day to day activities have started to tire me out more and more.  Even just hemming and hanging James' new curtains really took it out of me.  I am trying to remember not to push myself too hard, but to maintain some level of activity.  Its a fine line to walk, especially when I would rather take a nap!  Baby has been kicking up a storm lately!  He likes to let me know his opinion through his kicks, for instance I know that he doesn't like when my waist band is too tight and he's not a fan of Mexican food.  Something about this little guy tells me he's not as laid back as his older brother, but we will see!
As you may have noticed, I haven't mentioned baby's name on the blog yet.  He has a name, but I always feel weird about putting it out there (on the blog, facebook, etc.) before he's out in the world.  You could ask me his name and I'd definitely tell you, so my logic is probably flawed.  We did the same with James, partially to make sure when he came out he looked like a James.  Again, my logic was flawed, as I saw him for all of 30 seconds before he was taken to the NICU.  But Adam (who was able to see him sooner than I was) assured me that he was a James.  I'm sure it was easier to tell me that than it would have been to pick another name, but we'll go with it.
James is still preparing to be a big brother.  Hopefully this weekend we will move him into his big boy bedroom.  He likes the room, but I am a bit worried he may fall out of bed.  The new room is directly over our living room, so if that happens, we will quickly hear about it.  We have been trying to explain to James that his baby brother (brudder in 2 year old speak) is in mommy's tummy.  He calls his little brother "cute" a lot, but I have a feeling he's not really going to connect the dots until the baby is here.  Last night he kicked me in the stomach while we were playing on the couch, not hard, but enough that it hurt.  I told him that he might hurt baby brother and he promptly apologized with a "Sorry, baby brudder!".  James is also still convinced we should name the baby "Applesauce".  I wish I fully understood the things going on in his head, he has quite the imagination.
This weekend should be fairly calm, as we have nothing planned.  I'm thankful for times where we can enjoy James while he is still an only child!

25 weeks

The little guy is the size of a cauliflower this week.  Eww, I think cauliflower is pretty gross.  Another website I look at compared the baby's weight to a rutabaga.  All these food comparison are pretty funny.  So the baby is growing like a week and pretty soon he will be here.
As time goes on, I'm getting more excited, but more scared too.  But that is perfectly normal, so I just have to roll with the punches.  I've been reading a lot about how to make sure James gets enough attention, doing a little research always helps.  Really I am most worried about James and the new baby at daycare, since James is used to having a lot of Rhonda's attention. He got used to Landon fairly quickly, but was able to come home and be the center of attention still.  We will figure something out, but I still worry about the big brother.

Ultrasound Update

On Tuesday, my mom and I went for our fetal echo cardiogram and growth ultrasound.  It was fun to see my little guy again, he is growing like a weed.  His heart looked great during the echo portion, although the doctor later explained to us that as much as they can tell from the echo, there is even more that they won't be able to sort out until after the baby comes.  For now, everything looks good.  James' tiny hole hasn't been a concern yet, so even if the new baby did have a VSD, it wouldn't be the end of world.  Of course, its nice to hear that everything looks good.
Speaking of looking good...  the ultrasound checked again to make sure that the baby is a boy.  And is he ever.  He was more than happy to show us his boy parts and we got to take home a funny picture to prove it.  I would put them up here, but I'd hate to see what my Google searches would look like then.  The baby is measuring about 1 pound and 11 ounces.  I was worried that was a little bit big, but I do tend to grow large babies.  The doctor didn't seem to concerned as he is growing on track with his previous measurements.  Also, his tummy wasn't the big part, it was mostly his head, which is standard for 24 weeks.  If his stomach was getting very large, there would be concern.
My weight was briefly discussed again, but when I told Dr. Cootauco (who is very sweet and also the doctor who followed me with James) that Dr. Rossiter (a. k. a. The Enforcer) had already "talked" to me, she knew she didn't need to say anything else.  She did mention that I do not actively need to try to lose weight, just maintain where I am.  If weight comes off because I am eating well, that's okay.
I'm glad my mom was able to come with me and see her next grandson.  These visits can get a little boring, so its always nice to have someone to talk to.  It looks like from here on out, I will be going to the doctor every 2 weeks.  I have a routine appointment on October 10th and another routine appointment with growth ultrasound on October 24th.  We will have a baby in no time!

Holy Baboon Butt

One of the things that has struck me about being a parent is the amount of knowledge I have about my kid's bodily functions.
Sidebar:  How's that for a start on Monday morning?
I knew being parent involved changing diapers, wiping noses, and clipping nails, but wow.  Two years into it, I am still amazed at what is "normal" for me to talk about to Adam, my mom, or the daycare lady.
Over the weekend, James and I had some stomach issues.  Mine came on Saturday evening, after a lovely dinner with my mom, and James' started on Sunday morning.  He went through 4 pairs of shorts on Sunday. Yes, shorts, not the diapers under them, but shorts that were victims to severe diaper blow outs.
After we thought this "event" was over, we ventured out to our local park.  We didn't even think to bring a diaper bag (for an hour or less, we generally don't bring one).  So of course, James had another blow out, on the play ground.  I drove home and back quickly and we changed him there rather than make him cut his play time short.  Then I realized another pair of shorts was a mess, so James played for awhile in just his diaper and shirt (until the wind kicked up and it got too cold to run around pantless).
As a result, my little man's tush is a mess.  There is crazy baboon action going on in this guy's pants.  We gave him a bath and let him run around diaperless for almost an hour, but his poor butt is not happy.  Every diaper change has been a fight, because it hurts to get wiped and it hurts to put more diaper cream on.
But Adam and I chatted about his butt.  When Adam left for the Ravens game, I texted him about the state of James' butt.  This morning, Rhonda and I had a chuckle at poor James' expense, because his butt is so red.  Who knew this would be my life?
James is feeling better, he never seemed sick really, just the stomach problem.  Two rounds of probiotics in his juice yesterday and this morning have helped.  The butt is much less red than it was last evening.  I can't wait until he's potty trained.

24 weeks

Baby Boy is now the size of a cantaloupe.  He has been kicking away lately!  Yesterday, Adam even felt a kick!  It seems like it was around this time that he felt James also, but I am amazed at how quickly time is flying.
Lately, I have been sleeping well.  Sometimes I wake up to pee and sometimes I wake up with sore hips, but overall it hasn't been too bad.  I know that soon I won't be sleeping at all, so I have been trying to take advantage while I can.  When James nap on the weekends I sneak in a little rest and Adam has been good about making sure I go lay down when I have the chance.
In other news, I managed to shed 2 pounds since I started tracking my calories, so that is a good thing.  I am not quite sure how that will go for the duration of the pregnancy, but tracking calories has helped with my blood sugars too.  Sugary snacks are high in calories, so I haven't been having a lot of them!  My sugars have been looking good, I faxed some numbers in yesterday and no adjustments were made to my dosages (which is kind of a miracle at this stage).
Next week we have the baby's fetal echo cardiogram and  growth ultrasounds to look forward to.  My mom is going to go with me, so I'm excited for her to see the little guy.  Adam is taking a few days off work, due to the crazy Ravens schedule (night home games on Sunday and Thursday?!  Who makes the schedule?), but it will be nice to have him around more.
James transitioned into his big boy bed this week.  We actually just took the crib rail down and left him in his room for now.  I am hoping that the transition into a twin bed, in his new room, will go as smoothly, but we will see.  We still need to buy a bed rail, as well as new linens for the twin beds, so we'll probably make the move into his new room sometime next month.  I am always amazed at how James tends to go with the flow.  He never took a pacifier, gave up his bottle with no issue, and now is out of his crib.  I hope that he can continue to go with the flow when his little brother arrives.  Almost everyday he rubs my tummy and gives his baby brother kisses, yesterday he even tried to give his sippy to my stomach.  I held onto it and told him little brother wasn't thirsty, but he was sweet for sharing.  That made both of us smile!

An update

The rooms are painted!  And they look beautiful.  Unfortunately, I did have to take yesterday off work.  Well I switched my work from home day, so at least I didn't have to actually take time off.  Everything looks nice and new and sparkling!  I love the color of the kitchen and as soon as we get pictures up and everything finished I will post before and after pictures.  I like the color for James' room too, I think we could have gone a bit darker, but overall I am happy.  Also, the bathroom looks so much more complete now that the ceiling is painted.  We ended up getting almost 50% off the paint by using the contractors account, so that worked out well, even if it did take an extra hour.
So my nesting is almost complete.  In a couple of weeks we will buy the new bedding and rug for James' room and get the pictures and dishwasher cover for the kitchen.  The only other project I want to complete before the baby makes his debut is replacing the faucet in the bathroom, so fingers crossed!

Morning excitement

Maybe the title of this post should actually be "Morning annoyance" but I will go with excitement for the time being.  I wrote on Friday about the painters coming to the house today.  I've been so excited about getting the rooms painted, especially our kitchen.  If you've ever seen my poor, ugly, incomplete kitchen, you would probably understand.
The painters were scheduled to come between 8 and 10 this morning.  Adam scheduled a day at home so that I wouldn't have to deal with anything.  Around 9:30, the painter's office calls Adam to tell him they need to reschedule, the painter is sick.  Adam tells them this is unacceptable, etc. and that he's very frustrated, rescheduling isn't that easy, we prepped the rooms all day Sunday, etc.  So after calling me, they call him back and ask if someone can come in the afternoon.  Adam said that was not okay, someone needed to come in the morning.  Its agreed that someone will come to the house at 10:45 AM.
The new, not sick painter comes to the house.
He has no paint with him.
We'd previously called and given our paint numbers so that the paint could be purchased with the company discount.  This was agreed on at the time of the estimate and confirmed when I called a few days after.  The painter leaves to get the paint.  It takes almost an hour.  Then he comes back to the house, reads the work order, tells us that it says he's only painting one wall in the kitchen.  No, the estimate was for all the walls, no ceiling, no trim, no door.  There is much back and forth and the guy finally gets a hold of the main office, who confirm that the whole kitchen is to be painted.  During that time, Adam asked me to come home for work to help deal with the situation, as he was getting more and more frustrated.  When I left the house at 12:15 PM, painting had started.  As of this writing at 2 PM, Adam has texted me that the painter is still in the kitchen and has not touched the bathroom ceiling or the bedroom.  I suppose if I have to, I will be taking a day off work tomorrow to get this work completed, but it is so frustrating!

23 weeks

My little grapefruit is kicking up a storm lately.  The voices he likes to hear the most are his dad and my boss, Karen.  Kind of funny, but he really does start to kick every time I'm in her office.
Not much to report after my rant yesterday, but we are looking forward to the weekend.  I'm the designated driver for a group of my friends going to the Maryland Wine Festival, so that should be fun!.  Sunday is not so fun, as we have to clean and prep the kitchen, James' big boy bedroom and bathroom to be painted on Monday.  But there will be a big payoff afterwards, so it will be worth the effort!

Stress

Yesterday was a stressful day for me.  I went to my OB check up and I wasn't really expecting anything out of the ordinary...  And then I stepped on the scale.  I've managed to gain 22 lbs. in 22 weeks.  To say this is an oops is kind of an understatement.  Upon seeing this, my OB (who is rather nice usually, but is very tough when she needs to be) laid into me a bit.  I know that she needed to tell the risks associated (blood clots, pulmonary embolism, inability to heal, problems with spinal/epidural anesthesia) with too much weight gain, especially since I am already at a high BMI, but sometimes I want to kick medical professionals in the head.  I was pretty upset, but I managed not to cry at the doctor's office (I made up for that later!).  Anyway, long story short, I should not gain more weight this pregnancy.  In fact, if I was a lose a few pounds, no one would be upset.  So that's where I am right now.  I'm tracking my calories and will be working to not go over 1700 a day.  I will not eat fast food and we will be planning our meals to include less processed foods and more vegetables.  I am going to make an effort to walk more.  Realistically, these are things I should be doing regardless, but now I have even more reason.
The whole issue is frustrating to me on a number of levels.  I feel like I've been working my entire adult life  to lose weight, maintain weight, be skinny, etc. and while I know I shouldn't have gained quite so much weight to start with (its just kind of snuck up on me, I suppose), pregnancy is the one time where that whole focus on weight lose can be relaxed.  But now its not.  In the long run, watching my food intake is not a bad thing and I know that, but really just feel like a fat kid right about now.
I think my other frustration is that I know for these 9 months I am solely responsible for the health of my baby.  Part of me feels like I did a crappy job with that when I was pregnant with James because he showed up so early and because of his heart defect.  Both of those issues may not even be directly related to me, but I can't help but feel like it was my fault.  Usually, I don't feel that way, but sometimes those doubts creep into my mind.  I want to do everything that I possible can for this baby and I did everything that I could for James, but I'm not perfect.  I won't ever be perfect, but that is still the goal.  In general, I have felt a ton more stressed with this pregnancy than I did with James.  I think that's because I've seen what happens when you have medical issues that lead to the NICU and also because I now know what its like to be a mom.  I know how much I love my little boy and I couldn't have known that as a first time mom.
Anyhow, other than the fact that I'm a fatty, our little baby is doing fine.  His heart rate was in the 140's after he stopped dancing around my belly and my blood sugars have been good.  We go back on the 25th for a fetal echo cardiogram and growth ultra sound and from here on out I will be going to the doctor at least every 2 weeks.  This pregnancy is speeding along and I can't wait to meet our son!

I've said it before...

...and I'll say it again.  Two year olds are crazy.  

For the life of me, I can't remember that I ever had this much energy.  James can run and run and run, for hours on end, and not even appear to be tired.  He will chase the dog around the middle level of our house, which admittedly is not very large, but they will go in circles for hours.  We have a 3 level duplex, with a total of 1500 square feet, divided evenly between floors.  So James and Mac will go around the living room coffee table, pass the stairs and then around the dining room table.  Without the gate blocking the kitchen, I'm sure they would make their rounds in there too.

When we play outside, it is more of the same.  Running around and around.  Up the hills in the backyard and down.  He's a crazy boy who plays hard.  

Adam keeps reminding me that one day we'll have two boys running around this much.  He actually takes a certain amount of glee in my agony over keeping up with two active little boys.

But energy aside, I really can't complain.  James is a smart and well behaved child.  We work on his manners all the time, not only saying please and thank you, but greeting people and table manners.  He will sit for quiet activities in between tearing through the house.  He is very loving towards his dog and is learning to be more gentle and quiet with the cats (who generally run from him).  Reading books and having iPad time are high on his list of things to do.  While he definitely has tantrums when he doesn't get his way, he's learning to say "night-night" to the "Mickey Book" when iPad time is over and to help clean up toys when play time is over.  Most days, I still have a hard time believing I get to be his mom.

Anyway, enough bragging on my boy.  I do have to say that when people tell you two year olds repeat everything they hear, they are telling the truth.  I definitely have the worse potty mouth between Adam and I, but James hasn't repeated anything too naughty yet.  Last night, Adam said something a bit off color (I can't even remember what, honestly) and I said, "Don't teach him that!" and James looked at Adam and said, "Yea Dad, no teach me that!"

22 weeks

The baby is growing a ton and this week is the size of a papaya.  Other than my cold, I have little to write about.  This week was nice and short due to the labor day holiday on Monday and Adam has been spoiling me with sleeping in some in the mornings.  Usually, we switch off who wakes up with the dog, but he's been walking Mac most days.  Part of this is Adam being nice, part of it is because Mac likes to take advantage of a pregnant mommy.  He somehow senses that my center of gravity is off and makes an extra effort to pull on the leash if I'm walking him.  I love my dog, but sometimes he's a brat.  Its amazing how much force a 26 pound dog can have.
We have a quiet weekend planned and I am looking forward to some down time with my boys.  The only thing we really need to do, aside from the usual weekend cleaning, is picking out our paint colors for the rooms we're getting painted.  The kitchen, James' big boy room, and the bathroom ceiling will be getting painted on the 17th and I am so excited!  The kitchen will be a light, almost ice blue and we've been going back and forth for James' room.  We are thinking either a yellow or a pear green.  I will let you know what we decide after our visit to the Sherwin Williams store!

I have a cold

Or maybe its allergies.  I am stuffy and have a runny nose and want to nap more than usual.  I am grumpy and sleepy and want to go home.  Having a cold while pregnant is not fun and I'm going to complain about it.
Probably a lot.
Okay, I think I might have the complaining out of my system.  James and I have been fighting a little bit of a cold.  Although Adam is convinced its allergies.  Actually, James' might really be allergies, because we started his daily Claritin back up a few days ago and he seems to be doing better.  Claritin isn't helping me at all.
I'm sure I will survive either way, but since I'm trying to save up my sick leave, I am at work today.

21 weeks

This week thebump.com tells me that the baby is the size of a pomegranate.  The choice of a pomegranate confuses me, they don't seem that big at the grocery store.  Maybe its the weight comparison that matters this week.  Maybe the pomegranates that are shipped to Maryland super markets are really tiny?  I'm at a loss.
The baby is no longer being measured from crown to rump (the infamous crown-rump length), but from head to toe.  It looks like the baby grew 4 inches this week, but really we just added his little legs.  Last night I told Adam that I thought adults should be measured from their crown to rump (I just love that word...) and he gave me a crazy look, so perhaps not.
Not a whole lot going on lately, I have been diligently faxing in my blood sugar numbers to the high risk OB twice a week.  I haven't been too happy with my numbers recently, they aren't out of control by any means, but the second trimester means a huge increase in insulin need.  The third trimester will mean an even larger increase, so I should just suck it up.  I increase my settings and doses as the doctors instruct and check my sugars regularly.  Sometimes I marvel at the ease of pregnancy for those without chronic illness (or my perception of the ease...).  I mean, I could be pregnant a ton more times if I didn't have to do all this craziness.  But that is not the case, so two little boys will have to suffice!

Maternity Clothes

Getting dressed in the morning has become an interesting challenge.  I have a ton of maternity clothes, thanks to my good friend, Candi.  She actually supplied most of my maternity clothes with James too, but the vicious bed bug attack of 2010 destroyed all of those.  The problem is that I'm feeling extremely lazy.  Today, a Thursday, I have on a loose, non maternity top, and maternity jeans.  Ha!  I wore jeans to work on a Thursday.  The problem is that I also wore jeans to work on Monday.  Tuesday, I sucked it up and wore a dress.  Wednesday, thankfully, I work from home, so I wore... jeans and a t-shirt.  Do you see where I'm going with this?  I have a few pairs of maternity work pants, but they require finding a coordinating top and not wearing flip flops.  I have some skirts and dresses, but laziness generally prevails.  I am lucky that I work in a fairly relaxed environment, where jeans are usually okay.  But I feel like a slob and should probably do something to cure that soon.
Maybe next week...

The phone

Phones have been a favorite of James' for awhile.  He likes to steal our cell phones, turn on the house phone (prompting us to move it out of his reach), and pretend that most any toy is a phone.  Since Adam has been out of town this week, James has been using the "phone" a lot.

Last night, while sitting on my lap, James opened up a collapsible hairbrush from his toy bin (its pink and was in the dollar section of Target.  James wouldn't leave without it...  does that count as a bribe?) and said hello.  He continued to talk for awhile.  I'm not sure exactly what he was saying, but he was really animated.  I finally asked who he was talking to.  James looked up and answered "Daddy" and continued his conversation.  After awhile it was time for a story and bed.  But James refused to get off the phone with his father.  So I lowered my voice to a very believable baritone and told James that it was Daddy and that he should go pick out a story book.  Daddy then said goodnight to his gullible little boy.

Adam won't be home until tomorrow, we'll see if James has another long night on the phone.  I should mention that normally Adam and James do get to talk on the real phone while he is away.  This trip took Adam to Portland, OR, so the time change means that James is in bed before we get our phone call.  But we just have to get through tonight and life will be back to normal.

James who?

I have not been keeping up well lately with posting about James!  Poor first child, he's being ignored already.  But such is life, I usually think about something I want to blog about and by the time I get around to doing it, I have no idea what my idea was.  But such is life, I will keep tabs on my crazy, running toddler when I can.
James is growing up so quickly.  He talks up a storm and most of the time we can understand him.  He puts together sentences well and I really enjoy talking to him.  He comes up with the most hilarious observations and questions, stuff that as adults we never even think of.  The other day, he broke two of his blocks apart and asked me "Mom, what happened to the blocks?"  Okay, I suppose it was more "Mom, what happened blocks?" but I tend to fill in the blanks for him.  He likes to "break" things over and over, just to ask mom or dad or fix it.  He will point out all kinds of vehicles when in the car, big truck and motorcycle being his favorite.
Yesterday, towards the end of James' nap, we got a huge thunderstorm.  The thunder was pounding and James was a bit freaked out by it.  Usually by the time we get a storm, James is asleep in bed and it would take a lot more than some thunder to wake him up.  He wanted to be held during the storm, but Adam explained that it was just thunder.  After that, every big noise, thunder or not, that James heard was "Big thunder!".  When Adam braved the rain to take Mac out, James stood by the door "No walk, Dad, big thunder!"  Actually, telling Adam not to walk Mac is another one of James' catch phrases right now, along with "No work, Dad."  I know that speaking more is a normal part of development, but I can't help but think my boy is a genius.
Anyway, I could go on and on about how smart and wonderful I think my boy is.  I'm so excited for him to start the preschool curriculum at daycare next week.  He'll be doing "Mother Goose Time" with the big kids and I know he's going to have so much fun.

20 weeks

This baby is getting huge!  I can't believe how quickly time is flying, we will have another baby in no time.
James is starting to understand that there is a baby coming or at least that there is a baby in mommy's tummy.  He'll cuddle with me, rub my stomach and say "baby". Actually he says "Oh, baby" which is pretty funny.  This morning, I asked him what we should name his little brother.  He decided on Applesauce.  Maybe he's been reading my blog updates with all the fruit comparisons!  Applesauce is his favorite food right now, so that probably has more to do with it.
If I was having a typical, non high risk pregnancy, I would be half way done right now.  Since we know I'll deliver early, I am more than half way there and am getting more and more excited!  One weekend soon, we will get the baby clothes out of the attic and decide what needs to be thrown out due to stains, etc. and what we can keep and wash.  I think we'll just wash everything for now and put it back into the plastic storage tubs.  We are hoping to get James' big boy room decorated in September and at that point will transition his things from the dresser in the bottom of the changing table to the bigger dresser.  Wow, it really does sound like I'm nesting, which I am, I can't wait to have everything set up for James the big brother and the new baby.